Is your toddler finally toddling? Congratulations! Take those first steps a sign to check if you need to step up your game in toddler-proofing. So where to begin? Debra Holtzman, author of The Safe Baby: A Do-It-Yourself Guide to Home Safety and Healthy Living, believes it’s important to start by seeing what your child sees. “Get down on your hands and knees to get a bird’s eye view of the problems.”

Founder of SafetyMom.com Alison Rhodes, who also operates Tri-State area child-proofing business, mentions that natural curiosity will make your little one pull everything within reach. “So be mindful of window cords, curtains, and tablecloths. Baby’s new exploring skills mean you should also be extra-careful to close doors to rooms that are off-limits,” she says. A convenient and inexpensive alternative to door knob covers (if you have round knobs rather than levers or handlesets) is old socks, which can be placed over the knob to make them difficult for a baby to grasp.

That’s just the beginning. To see more, click here.

Question: We are moving into a split-level house (first-time home buyers) from an apartment so we are navigating the world of toddler-proofing stairs for the first time. The stairs have a railing on one side wall, and on the other side, nothing. The wall with nothing ends about three stairs above the ground floor, leaving an open space that strikes us as a hazard for an 18-month-old who is just learning about stairs. Installing a gate seems tricky in this instance since there aren’t two sides for the gate unless we put it across the third step. How would you recommend we handle this?

— Bethesda

Answer: “Wrap a gate around the bottom,” advises Bill Brooner, owner of Baby Proofing Montgomery, a company that does home safety evaluations and installs products that make homes safer for young children. He has a catalog of safety equipment that includes five or six pages of gates, and he can make a specific recommendation and give you a cost estimate if you email him with measurements and a photograph. Or, for $90 plus a travel fee of $25 when the location is outside Montgomery County, he will go to your house for a room-by-room safety evaluation that typically lasts 1½ to 2 hours. He’ll also leave you with a packet of safety literature covering everything from toy safety to poisonous house plants.

If you want to tackle the job on your own, start with an extra-wide safety gate or safety fencing designed for use around fireplaces and wood stoves. Many models also have optional extension pieces that allow you to create custom lengths. Fasten one end of the gate to the wall with the handrail. Extend the wrap across the base of the stairs and wrap it around the side of the steps where there is no wall. If you have room at the base of the stairs, you might want to position the fencing so it’s set out from the bottom step, allowing you to open and close the gate when you aren’t also negotiating the stairs.

Be sure to install a safety gate at the top as well as at the bottom.

Sure, opening and closing the gates is a hassle. But it’s not forever. Kids vary, but by age 3 or 4, they’re usually fine without gates, Brooner says.

Question: I have two old “bridge chairs” from my mom, probably from the 1950s or ’60s. They aren’t in horrible shape, but the wood (real wood) needs touching up. If I were to paint the wood, is there a type of spray paint that would look best on real wood? Or do you think I should touch up the finish? If so, what product do you recommend?

— Arlington

The chairs are classics and look pretty classy as they are. It’s basically your call about whether to just erase some of the wear and tear or to give the chairs a whole new look with paint. You can always paint later; it’s much harder to go back to unpainted wood.

If you decide to fix the existing finish, the best strategy depends on how bad it is now. (It’s hard to tell from the pictures you sent.) If the finish looks OK except for a few places where it’s scratched through to bare wood, a simple touch-up works best. Dab on a little wood stain with an artist’s brush or use wood stain packaged in a marking pen, such as Minwax Wood Finish Stain Marker . If there are deeper gouges, fill them with non-hardening wood putty in a matching color. This type of putty is oily or waxy, so it works well when furniture already has a finish, as your chairs do. It comes in jars or tubs, as well as in a pencil style (such as the Minwax Blend-fil Pencil) and in wax sticks (included in the Dap Wood Finish Repair Kit).

You need more than spot repairs if the overall finish is worn and scuffed up. Use a finish restorer, such as Howard Restor-a-Finish, which works on lacquer, shellac and varnish, the finishes most likely to be on your chairs. Finish restorers contain stain plus a little solvent and oil. The solvent helps the stain penetrate but doesn’t strip the existing finish. Rub over the wood, a section at a time, as directed on the label and you should wind up with a nice, even sheen where scratches aren’t very noticeable, if you can even find them. You can use a finish restorer instead of or in addition to the touch-up methods.

If you opt for painting the chairs, you can use any good-quality spray paint. Choose a gloss sheen if you want a traditional furniture finish. If you don’t have a good place for spray-painting, use brush-on, glossy, water-based paint. For that, lightly sand the chairs first with 100-grit sandpaper, just enough to scratch up the surface. Sand in the direction of wood fibers (meaning lengthwise on the legs and crosswise on the chair backs). Wipe up the debris, brush on primer paint and let it dry, then apply two coats of the finish paint.

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A recent conversation between my 7-year-old son and my mother-in-law went something like this:

Mother-in-law: “I have a friend whose grandson visited last year for Thanksgiving. She had worked for days to make a big, beautiful dinner for everyone. After all of that work, she sat the food down at the table and her grandson said, ‘Ewww! I don’t want that. Yuck!!’ ”

My son sat wide-eyed, taking in her tale. He nodded. “Okaaaay.”

I jumped in and we talked about trying a bite of everything on the plate. And even more important, we talked about why that was not a nice thing to say to someone who worked so hard to make a beautiful meal. We told him that this is a special time to be together as a family, to sit and talk for a while. In other words, this is not the time to bounce out of the chair for one more game of catch. And hey, we added, the sweet potatoes will have marshmallows on top!

“I don’t like sweet potatoes,” he announced casually.

Well, we’ll see how this goes.

The holidays are a time of traveling, cooking, cleaning, planning, cooking more, making lists and counting chairs and napkins. But it is also the time of year when parents are considering how their 2-year-old will hold up during a Thanksgiving meal that starts at 7 p.m. Or how their 10-year-old daughter will react when she opens a present from Great Aunt Edna to find a puppy sweater that she would have liked when she was 3. Or whether their 7-year-old son will understand the importance of togetherness, love and thankfulness when the family gathers around a table.

It’s a stressful time for many people. And even though we love our kids and they are lots of fun, they often magnify that stress. Even worse, our stress can trickle down to them, turning a happy holiday into a Noel nightmare.

I tried to break it down (another list!) so we can all do more than just get through the holidays. Here are ways to help children — and let’s face it, ourselves — think about what it means to be generous, kind, loved and loving in the coming weeks.

Speaking of food . . .

Megan Barna is an outpatient dietitian at Children’s National Medical Center in the District. She often hears from parents who say that they want their kids to stop eating sweets but then admit they have a secret stash of soda for themselves. If you want them to eat well, she said, you have to eat well. Children model their behavior after ours. She shared several suggestions to encourage children to sit and eat (yes, really) with the rest of the family.

● Depending on their age, take them with you when you shop for the holiday meal and ask for their input. Obviously, they don’t get to dictate what will be served. But this is the time to show them your list and then give them choices: Should our vegetable be carrots, broccoli or cauliflower?

● Let this time of year be a big experiment. We want our children to appreciate food, and the holidays offer great opportunities, Barna said. So talk about the food, explain what’s coming and what it will taste like. So they don’t usually eat Brussels sprouts? I didn’t think I liked them either — because my mother used to boil (blech) the odd little veggie. I will talk to my kids about that and how we will prepare them differently, roasting them so they are crispy and tasty instead of dull and mushy, like when I was growing up.

● Bring the kids into the kitchen. Not only will having them come into the kitchen help them understand and appreciate all the hard work that goes into family meals, but also, the more children are involved in the process, the more they will try new foods over time. And yes, children of any age can be involved. Give your toddler a spoon and ask her to help mix something. Have your second-grader tear up the lettuce for a salad. Give your tween a sponge and have him wash the table. “Make them feel like you’re on the same team,” Barna said. They will have pride and ownership in the meal, which will entice them to sit longer and, hopefully, try a few new things.

● Eat normally leading up to the big meal. I don’t know about you, but I try to not eat much leading up to family dinners on big holidays, in an attempt to “save room” for all that good food. Don’t do that. Make sure that you — and the kids — eat normal meals and snacks that day, Barna said. Incorporate fiber and protein. You want kids to not feel crazed with hunger, particularly if they aren’t going to eat much on their rather different-from-usual plate.

● They will follow your lead. Remember that your behavior will influence your kids. If you don’t want them to eat so many sweets, don’t go gorging on the pumpkin pie in the corner at cleanup time.

● End the day on a healthy note. Take a walk with everyone after big family dinners. You can enjoy one another’s company, fresh air or the pretty neighborhood lights.

Minimizing stress

Eleanor Mackey, a child psychologist, also with Children’s, said parents need to recognize that as much as this is a time to enjoy, all of the hustle and bustle and togetherness also might create stress for kids. “Planning ahead can go a long way to help prevent problems,” she said. “The last thing anyone wants is a meltdown at a big family gathering.” Here are her suggestions.

● Think ahead. Figure out what you can do to structure the event for the least negative impact on the family’s typical schedule, and prepare the kids for what to expect. In other words, don’t do dinner at 8 p.m. if you have children who go to bed at 7:30. Explain to them either before you go to a gathering or as the holiday nears how things will work.

● Let kids know what your expectations are. Give them a timetable, such as: So when we get there, you’ll have time to play with your cousins. And then when it’s dinnertime, we all will sit at the table. I expect you to do that for at least 30 minutes. Then you can go play with everyone again. “Preparing kids ahead of time and coaching them about what’s appropriate goes a long way,” Mackey said.

● About that weird present. Again, preparation is key. Kids have bad impulse control and may slip when they get a pair of fluorescent Santa socks for Hanukkah. But tell them before you go out that if someone gives them a present, it’s because “they like you, and sometimes they might guess wrong. It’s really important that they just thought about you, and they thought they were getting you something you would like,” Mackey said. Then demonstrate what you would say: It was so nice of you to think of me when you got this. Boom.

● Be realistic. Set developmentally appropriate expectations of, for example, how long your child can actually sit. Or how much conversing with adults will actually happen. Think your child can realistically sit nicely for 15 minutes? Let that be the thing you focus on. Want your son to speak kindly to an aunt he doesn’t know? Practice that conversation in advance. It may help you, too, so you don’t get unreasonably annoyed when your 5-year-old wants to leave the table before everyone is finished.

Add a dollop of gratitude

Related: How to encourage kids to ‘give back’

Here’s the part that gets me the most about holidays. I want our sons to understand that there’s a reason it’s called Thanksgiving. And that just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean everyone who comes to our door will be bearing gifts (please, goodness, NO).

So I spoke with Richard Weissbourd, co-director of the Making Caring Common Project at Harvard. His mission is to help parents, educators and communities raise kind children. Here are his suggestions for serving up a side of gratitude with your holiday meal.

● Have a gratitude action. Weissbourd suggests you ask your children to think about someone outside of the family who has helped them. Think about people you don’t normally thank — the custodian at school, the mail carrier, the bus driver. Then do something to express appreciation, whether that’s a note, a gift or an offer to do something helpful. “It’s like putting people on kids’ radar who they aren’t normally grateful for,” he said. And hopefully, these specific activities will spur ongoing activities beyond the holidays.

● Commit to a service or organization as a family. Talk to one another about what you most care about. Homelessness? Animal welfare? Then find an organization you can get behind, and make a promise to do something monthly for that group or that cause. “I always worry about the one-shot things,” Weissbourd said. And that’s true — just look at the food-bank volunteer wait lists at this time of year. Spread it out, and remember that these places often are asking for help year-round.

● Don’t inundate kids with gifts. When you give too many gifts, the appreciation goes out the window. “You want them to be thankful for gifts, including thankful to you,” he said. “They often assume gifts from the family don’t deserve to be noted. But kids should note them.” And kids of any age should say thank you when they get a gift, he said. Which they will certainly understand if we do the same, right?

As parents, we know that throughout their lives, our children will benefit in so many ways from well-developed reading skills.  That’s why we start teaching them when they are little, sitting and reading to our kids, pointing out words and pictures.  And young children typically experience joy when first learning to read.  But as they get older, many kids stop being readers.

As an elementary school teacher, I would often hear from parents that getting their child to pick up a book was a huge challenge.  My first question was always: “Do you read?” Unfortunately, more often than not, the reply was “no.”  As parents, we all know that each minute of the day is precious, and that the to-do list is endless.  And we also know that children mimic what the adults in their life do.  So, if you knew that it would help your child become a reader, would you make time to read?  For most of us, the answer of course is “yes.”  And the reality is that if the parent is reading, the child often will as well.

Ways to Encourage Independent Reading:

• Incorporate a half-hour of reading time into the bedtime routine.  Set up a designated space and time when you are both reading.  When you’re reading, you’re modeling the enjoyment and value of this behavior for your child.  Remember to keep distractions to a minimum.  You’ll quickly find that reading time becomes something you both look forward to.

• Take your child to the library.  If you do not have a library membership, look into getting one; oftentimes they are quite inexpensive or even free.  Make going to the library a weekly adventure.  The library provides access to a large selection of material with various mediums and topics.  Allow your child to select what they would like to read, and make sure you are browsing the collection as well.  Take advantage of any programs the library has for younger children, as it allows them to interact with their peers and makes going to the library fun.

• Use periodic rewards to keep kids interested.  Build a chart using construction paper that can be posted in a visible spot.  Let your child put a sticker, or color a square, each time they complete a book. You can use various forms of rewards, depending on the age of your child.  Some suggestions are a special snack, a movie night, a little extra time at the playground, or maybe a friend over to play.

• Have kids keep a reading journal.  In the journal, put a column for the date, the title and the amount of time spent reading.  At the end of each page, total the amount; you’ll both be amazed by the number of hours and books!  Children often would come to school to tell me they had read 10 hours this month, or finished 20 books.  It was a great accomplishment for them.

• Let kids read a variety of formats and materials.  One myth that surrounds reading is that it must be a certain type of material to be considered reading.  I totally disagree with this!  Does it really matter if your child reads a catalogue, a magazine, or a novel?  I don’t think it does.  All formats can encourage them to read.  There is nothing that dictates that reading material must be the same for everyone (at home, that is!).  Encourage sampling a variety of formats, including magazines and audio books.

Reading skills infiltrate every part of life.  Encourage your children at a young age to be readers, and it will serve them their entire life.

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“If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.” – Haim Ginott

Children rely on us to interpret the world:  “That’s HOT, Don’t touch!… Now we wash our hands…We can walk now that the light is green…..We always… We never…. This is how we do it…..The sky is blue….”

What happens when they hear: “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t glued on…..That was a dumb thing to do….You drive me crazy ….Why can’t you….You never….You always…..”?

Or overhear: “You won’t believe the day I’ve had with that kid….He’s so irresponsible….She never does her chores without me hounding her…..He can’t control himself….She has such a temper….”

They believe it. Even if they don’t show it, even if they act like they don’t care, on some level our children believe everything we say.

This could demoralize every one of us at times. But it doesn’t have to. Instead, let’s use our children’s trust in what we say to empower them to become their best selves. Our words don’t have to be perfect. But what if we practiced these four habits?

1. Empower your child by seeing her best self.  Research shows that kids’ beliefs determine their behavior.  When you observe something positive about your child, tell her what you see. “You’re working hard on that…. Hey, I saw you got frustrated with your brother, but you were able to stop yourself from yelling….Wow, you read that whole book yourself!….I’ve noticed that you’re remembering to brush your teeth now without being reminded most of the time.”  Notice that these are specific observations about what your child is actually doing, rather than global pronouncements like “You’re smart” which aren’t provable, and which kids may argue with in their own minds.

2. Empower your child by problem-solving instead of labeling. If you’re offering your child guidance about something, stick to what’s happening right now and empower your child to solve it. “You always forget to …” makes him the problem, and programs him to keep forgetting.  “How do you think you can help yourself remember tomorrow?”  helps him move from being the problem to becoming the problem solver.  Just focus on how he can remember this time, and he’ll start to see that he’s a kid who can support himself to remember, more and more often. Comment especially on any progress in the “right direction,” even if it isn’t perfect.  We all need encouragement to keep plugging away towards a goal.

3. Empower your child by helping her keep “failure” in perspective:  Kids are creating beliefs about the world from every experience. When things don’t work out as they hoped, they often draw global conclusions and “I got all these words wrong” becomes “I’m just no good at spelling….I’m not a good student.” Help your child reframe to see that any given setback is temporary and she has some control over whether things will work out next time: “You’re really disappointed that you didn’t know these words….What could we do next week so that you know the words before the spelling test?” Give your child as much support as necessary to be successful — which is very different than doing it for them. Seeing that their actions have a big impact on their success helps kids try harder next time, instead of giving up on themselves.

4. Empower your child by letting him overhear you saying something positive about him to someone else. When you try to convince your child directly, he may resist what you’re saying. After all, he sees evidence to the contrary. But when he overhears you saying it to someone else, he begins to believe it might be true. “She was so helpful today…..I think he’s finding that focusing on his homework helps him enjoy school more….He and his sister are learning how to work things out….I just so enjoy being with her….More and more often, she does her chores without me even reminding her…..I am so blessed that I get to be his mother!”

Your child believes everything you say.  And acts on it.
What an opportunity!

Enough said.

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